The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me
Feeling like a lunatic for quite some time.... lunatic in the head.... where the real and the unreal blurrs .. and u r not what u thought u r. Most of the times we feel we have a good understanding of ourselves... of how we react...what we do...why we do the things we do.. and hence there is the confidence about the future.But I guess.. self understanding is just a farce... coz life is a skilled trickmaster.Just realized that my conciousness was in a dream within a dream.. hence all my beliefs.. were just an inception....treadng on a thin realm of wakefulness... The feeling is weird.. when u dont know your self... when you fail to predict what you would do... the strangeness of my own being scares me no end... 'there is someone in my head and it's definitely not me'...
P.S. Life is Ironical.. in the most trying times.. i am remindded of bands that I detest... :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Feeling like a loser
20.01.2010
I am writing this blog… in a state of mind where I am feeling like a loser. The feeling is unjustified… irrational…. Yet it seems to encompass my being. I wonder why we feel like a loser..( mind it …the feeling is quite different from the one you get when you have lost something) . I guess you feel like a loser when you are not able to live up to your own expectations. The expectations we have from ourselves…. our sense of self worth…. our own sense of what should be….when this gets disturbed we feel like a loser. So what is this feeling….. its very difficult to explain… it’s a strange kind of void…. A numbness…. Which shrieks in your ear…. And makes you want to disappear.
When you think objectively, you feel that this whole sense of being a loser is just a figment of imagination… just like one of my friends commented is not a mature behavior. But life is not objective…. Life is reactive and extreme…. And no man has ever been mature. Yesterday, I saw a video… even ‘eagles need a push’ which spoke on how to lead a meaningful life….. and the first pointer in that prescription was ‘self appreciation’. Never had I understood how important self appreciation is than now. There are times in one’s life when all your beliefs stand against you…. There are times when you fail miserably in your own eye… and this is when you perhaps need a pat on your back… you need to tell yourself that you are special and everything will turnout right for you. The commandment is easier said than done, and hence here I go again…feeling down and out….. with no direction home… like a rolling stone.
I am writing this blog… in a state of mind where I am feeling like a loser. The feeling is unjustified… irrational…. Yet it seems to encompass my being. I wonder why we feel like a loser..( mind it …the feeling is quite different from the one you get when you have lost something) . I guess you feel like a loser when you are not able to live up to your own expectations. The expectations we have from ourselves…. our sense of self worth…. our own sense of what should be….when this gets disturbed we feel like a loser. So what is this feeling….. its very difficult to explain… it’s a strange kind of void…. A numbness…. Which shrieks in your ear…. And makes you want to disappear.
When you think objectively, you feel that this whole sense of being a loser is just a figment of imagination… just like one of my friends commented is not a mature behavior. But life is not objective…. Life is reactive and extreme…. And no man has ever been mature. Yesterday, I saw a video… even ‘eagles need a push’ which spoke on how to lead a meaningful life….. and the first pointer in that prescription was ‘self appreciation’. Never had I understood how important self appreciation is than now. There are times in one’s life when all your beliefs stand against you…. There are times when you fail miserably in your own eye… and this is when you perhaps need a pat on your back… you need to tell yourself that you are special and everything will turnout right for you. The commandment is easier said than done, and hence here I go again…feeling down and out….. with no direction home… like a rolling stone.
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