Great Expectations

Great Expectations... a novel that reminds me of the two critical years of my life. When I studied the novel as a part of my plus two English literature course.. we often prepared an answer-- Justify the title of the novel.There we had to draw references from the characters and explain how expectations- unseemly and otherwise shape the lives. I am reminded of this novel or rather the title... as I see my life moving on the lines of the same. I don't mean life is dreary or illusionary for me... Yet there seems to be a constant confusion between the reality and dreams. The gap between what is and what I expect seems to widen by the day.
I believe what you expect from life is somewhere a collage of what you are...how you have been brought up... For me my expectations are bordered by what I value the most.... be it career.. friends... or otherwise. I constantly remind myself that life demands compromise... I remind myself that satisfaction is happiness.. my rational mind accepts the logic.. but the emotional one.. rebels and frets. It is a strange feeling when you fear that living in illusion may make you Ms. Havysham... yet you want to live your life like Howard Roark.
Lately a strong feeling of turmoil is covering my mind.. where there is restless with the present... yet a humble submission to the reality....My friends will say I crib a lot....I agree I do... but that's just the reflection of the confusion in the mind. Cribbing for me is not dissatisfaction with life... but a mere inability to take decision ...or rather be happy with the decisions taken.
Some time back we underwent a workshop which emphasized on personal choice.. it said every action and reaction that we take is a conscious choice..and the moment we accept this... we would have personal victory. An extremely relevant concept ... which I keep reminding myself off... but really difficult to internalize.
Confusion and maze are my current state of mind... hence I am going home.. in the pursuit of happiness... for a temporary semblance of joy and cheer.... Hope the visit would rejuvenate me.. or at least give me strength to face the reality and still keep dreaming.