Great Expectations

Great Expectations... a novel that reminds me of the two critical years of my life. When I studied the novel as a part of my plus two English literature course.. we often prepared an answer-- Justify the title of the novel.There we had to draw references from the characters and explain how expectations- unseemly and otherwise shape the lives. I am reminded of this novel or rather the title... as I see my life moving on the lines of the same. I don't mean life is dreary or illusionary for me... Yet there seems to be a constant confusion between the reality and dreams. The gap between what is and what I expect seems to widen by the day.
I believe what you expect from life is somewhere a collage of what you are...how you have been brought up... For me my expectations are bordered by what I value the most.... be it career.. friends... or otherwise. I constantly remind myself that life demands compromise... I remind myself that satisfaction is happiness.. my rational mind accepts the logic.. but the emotional one.. rebels and frets. It is a strange feeling when you fear that living in illusion may make you Ms. Havysham... yet you want to live your life like Howard Roark.
Lately a strong feeling of turmoil is covering my mind.. where there is restless with the present... yet a humble submission to the reality....My friends will say I crib a lot....I agree I do... but that's just the reflection of the confusion in the mind. Cribbing for me is not dissatisfaction with life... but a mere inability to take decision ...or rather be happy with the decisions taken.
Some time back we underwent a workshop which emphasized on personal choice.. it said every action and reaction that we take is a conscious choice..and the moment we accept this... we would have personal victory. An extremely relevant concept ... which I keep reminding myself off... but really difficult to internalize.
Confusion and maze are my current state of mind... hence I am going home.. in the pursuit of happiness... for a temporary semblance of joy and cheer.... Hope the visit would rejuvenate me.. or at least give me strength to face the reality and still keep dreaming.

Ushering in new year

Finally 2008 has gone by... the year was strange in all its hues... in fact when I begun last year... there was lots of hope...hope of change.. in personal and professional life.. Somehow there was a sense of positivity that this year would be different. Different it was ... but in a nonchalant way... the year begun with dad being unwell... news of a change... hopes being raised... hopes being crushed... and finally the year ending with meshomoni's death.. nothing can be as awful as that.
However looking back I feel I managed well.... be it my stint with illness... tending to my parents.... traveling to and fro... God... it was a hectic year..

2009--- again brings in a lot of hope... guess can't survive without the 4 letter word...hope that health and wealth may abound... hope that good change may usher in... hope that I have my peace... hope that things are rocking.... hope that all hopes remain afloat...